Image by MShades
The following is a Public Service Announcement on behalf of all children celebrating a birthday this week or next.
My birthday is on Saturday.
Christmas Eve.
Growing up as a Catholic kid who went to Catholic school in a largely Catholic community, I sometimes felt like my birthday got lost in the Christmas shuffle.
Now that I’m a grown-up – I’ll be 35 on Saturday – I don’t put as much stock in birthdays. I get to spend my day with the people I love most: my husband, my kids, and my parents. And that’s all I really want this year (well, that, and Ann Patchett’s new novel…and maybe a gift certificate for a massage). Sure, we’ll be going to vigil Mass and making merry with our extended family that evening, but I’ve – mostly – gotten over the fact that I share my big day with an even bigger one.
Nevertheless, I think back to birthdays past and would like to offer a few gentle, tongue-a-little-bit-in-cheek suggestions to those of you who might know a kid whose birthday might be eclipsed this year by Christmas and/or Hanukkah:
- Don’t forget his birthday! Sure, it’s Christmas. And it’s Hanukkah. But it’s also that child’s birthday. And he only gets one each year. So send him a card or give him a call and show him that you celebrate him too. I have an uncle who always remembers my birthday. His call each year means a lot to me, even in my ripe old age.
- If you give her a present, please don’t use wrapping paper with Santa Claus or dreidels on it. Yes, I know that that’s what’s on your dining room table right now. But please make the effort to dig out the paper with the cupcakes or balloons on it.
- By all means, please do not send him a card that reads, “Merry Birthday!” I got that card a few times as a kid and never found it quite as funny as the sender did.
{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }
Happy early birthday, my friend :)
Thank you, Aidan!
Happy birthday! Lucy’s birthday often comes right at the heels of Chanukah – this year, for instance. What we do is purposely keep Chanukah low key, gift-wise, then schedule her birthday party a little bit into January. Otherwise, by the time we reach her birthday on January 5, we are all partied out. Hope you have a happy, healthy, safe, joyful holiday season. Big hugs.
Thanks, Mel. Happy Hanukkah to you and yours and happy early birthday to Lucy, a fellow Capricorn. (Supposedly, we’re practical, disciplined, and patient, but also pessimistic and grudge-carrying…Hope she’s all of the first ones, but neither of the second ones.) :)
Aww, poor Christmas birthday kids. My sister’s birthday is on the 18th and I’m sure she can totally relate. Although my grandfather’s was on the 25th and he loved playing Santa and handing out presents to everyone on Christmas (and I don’t remember ever celebrating his birthday amidst all the shuffle–I wonder if he minded?? Or if growing up on a farm in the depression meant people in general placed less stock in birthdays?).
I was just telling my 4yo yesterday that people used to think of an orange in the stocking as a great Christmas present. He was scandalized.
So, yeah, I bet your grandfather probably didn’t worry too much about who remembered him on his birthday, but I’ll be thinking of him this year.
Aw … happy early birthday. My dad’s is today and he NEVER got a gift on his birthday. He didn’t even get a cake. I make an effort for my son who is Jan 6, so soon after the holiday rush that it IS and effort.
Thanks, Jennie!
Happy birthday to your dad and happy early birthday to your son!
Thanks for this, my older son will be turning 2 on 12/26. As non-Christians, the whole celebrating Christmas thing is wholly optional, and we’re weighing the birthday into the equation for what we’ll decide to do for our family holidays. I appreciate the tips from someone who’s been through it, and I hope we can make sure he doesn’t feel jipped in any way, because to me, it is a VERY special day regardless of what holiday it happens to fall near.
Happy birthday!!
Thank you, Ana, and happy early birthday to your son! My parents were great about always making me feel very special on my birthday; it sounds like your son is just as lucky. :)
Happy Birthday! My son and husband have December birthdays and we always have a birthday bash….to the point of going overboard, I suspect. Enjoy State of Wonder – it’s one of my recent favourites.
Thanks so much, Michelle. I can’t wait to read it!
Happy birthdays to your husband and son!
Happy birthday, dear friend! And I’ll so remember your tips!
xo
Thank you, Galit! Happy Hanukkah!
Happy Birthday! My family has eight birthdays in December, including one of my nephews on Christmas Eve. My husband turned 35 last week, too!
I make sure to honor the birthdays separate from Christmas, and it’s expensive! Your post was a good reminder that it’s entirely worth it. If we have more children, I’m going to try to steer clear of a December birthday, though. :-)
Wow – eight birthdays in December! You must feel like it’s a non-stop party – and at a time when those aren’t exactly hard to come by. ;)
Happy December birthdays to your husband and all of your family members – and Merry Christmas to all of you!
Happy early birthday! I read State of Wonder a few months ago and I thought it was pretty good and an interesting topic on ethics.
Ann Patchett is one of my favorite contemporary authors and I’ve heard good things about her latest. I’m excited to read it and will let you know what I think.
It’s a great book for a book club discussion. What other Patchett book(s) would you recommend I read?
My favorites are her novels Bel Canto and Run and her memoir Truth & Beauty. (I’ve read everything of hers except for State of Wonder and The Magician’s Assistant.)
Happy Birthday! My son officially turns 11 on Dec. 29 so we go through the Chanukah birthday dance too. I keep trying to convince him that we should combine it all but he won’t buy into it.
Even tried to sell him on letting me save up extra cash for a bigger Bar Mitzvah gift but he won’t buy that either. Been doing that one for 7 years now, it is an old joke.
Anyhoo, 35 is a good age. Now we can nominate you for president. We’ll position you as a woman who can comfortably straddle multiple fences/viewpoints. Catholics, Jews, women and younger people will love you.
Unfortunately equal amounts will hate you for no reason other than your party line opposes their own. But think of how much fun it could be. It would make a great birthday gift, the petition to put you on the ballot, that is.
:)
Anyway, hope you are having a great Chanukah and an even better birthday.
You might call me a fence-straddler, but the media will call me a flip-flopper. My campaign will be over before it even gets started. :)
Happy early birthday to your son – and I’m totally with him on the “no combo gifts” thing. That was another one of my pet peeves as a kid.
Chanuka Sameach!
As a turkey baby (born on Thanksgiving) with a big kid who was born two days before Christmas and came home from the hospital on Christmas morning, I hear ya. I have to throw in: give the kid a party. A cake after Thanksgiving dinner or a present slipped in on the way to a Christmas or Hanukkah celebration does not count!
Amen to that, Kelly!
Happy early birthday to your big kid (Javi, I assume?)!
I so get this. Merry birthday and happy Christmas on one gift is simply cruelty to a child. Not saying you need more stuff, just a little division. Birthdays matter to kids.
Enjoy yours. The gift of being born during the season is getting to spend your whole birthday with your family every year. And that is a great gift.
That’s such a good point, Kate. It’s great to know that I’ll always have my family with me to celebrate – and it’s also nice that I always had the day off from school as a kid. (Now, as a mom, the “days off” don’t really exist…I bet you can relate.) :)
Happy early Birthday, Kristen! I must have been born sensitive because not only have I always bought my born-December 17th great-niece separate presents and wrapped them in appropriate paper, I wrap presents for Chanukah and Christmas celebrators in appropriate paper! Or maybe I’m just a neurotic over-thinker and driving myself crazy. :)
You’re definitely sensitive (said from one neurotic woman to another)! :)
And your comment made me think about how good my mom is about wrapping my husband’s presents in Chanukah paper. Maybe years of my birthday/Christmas wrapping paper distinction was just the training she needed. ;)
People really said “Merry Birthday?” Argh!
Miss D.’s birthday is ten days before Christmas, and I always worry that she gets the shaft. We always have an unbirthday party in the summer to try to make it up to her.
Happy (early) Birthday! I hope it’s a wonderful one.
Thank you, my dear. And happy birthday to the minx. xo
Happy birthday! And also Merry Christmas :)
Thank you, Yulia. And Merry Christmas to you!
Happy birthday to you!
My mother was a New Year’s Eve baby, and would likely agree with your list. As a child she always hated the dual-purpose gifts. As an adult, however, she found it to be such a wonderful experience that the whole world goes out and celebrates on the day of her birth!
Now that’s a great attitude to have!
Want to know something funny? My husband and I got married on New Year’s Day – because, apparently, my birthday + Chanukah + Christmas (+ his January birthday) just weren’t enough celebrations for us! :)
I knew I loved you… I just finished Run from Patchett and State of Wonder is next.
Hope you have a great birthday, my dad’s is the day after Christmas and I always feel so bad for him. We are all partied out from the holidays and have to stifle our groans at one more get together.
Thanks, Jessica. We’ll have to compare notes on State of Wonder when we’ve both finished. (How did you like Run? I really liked it.)
Happy early birthday to your dad and Merry Christmas to you!
Happy Birthday Kristen!
Say, my girls birthdays are 3 days apart. Do you have any suggestions about how I can make them feel special while perhaps still having them share a birthday party?
Hmm…that’s a tricky one (and maybe something you can write a parenting magazine article about someday). :)
My guess is that it will work great to combine parties now when they’re so little, but I wonder how they’ll feel about it when they’re older. I bet you’ll be able to pull off the combined family party with no problem, but I wonder if two tweens will consent to combining their friends. (Can you tell I’m already nervous about having a houseful of tweens and teens myself?) :)
Like Sarah’s mother (above), one of my closest friends has her birthday on New Year’s Eve. Plus, her daughter’s birthday is in early December. Her biggest pet peeves on her daughter’s behalf? One birthday/xmas gift for her child, or a birthday gift that’s wrapped in xmas paper! For herself, she just opens some bubbly.
Happy birthday to you!
Ah, the dreaded combo gift rears its ugly head. No good! :)
Merry Christmas, Kirsetin!
Happy birthday, Kristen!
My co-worker just left me a copy of State of Wonder in my office — wish I could share it with you for your birthday…
Thank you, Belinda! You’ll have to let me know what you think of the book. It sounds like we could get a mini-book club going with so many of us reading it. ;)
Glad you weren’t born on February 29th.
A blessing on your head!
I have a good friend (and Motherese reader!) who is due with her second child on February 29th. My husband and I are rooting for her to deliver on the leap year – for the sheer coolness of the baby’s being able to say that he/she’s 20 when he/she’s actually 80. (You can tell that I clearly have a well-honed sense of what’s “cool.”)
:)
Happy early birthday, Kristen. May you have all that you wish for and more on your special day.
Happy birthday Kristen!
Happy Birthday, Kristen. I hope this year brings you much happiness!
Thank you, friends!
As I don’t seem aware of what day it is at the moment, may I simply wish you a very belated birthday – and a wonderful upcoming New Year?
You may and I’ll accept your good wishes gratefully.
Happy 2012 to you and yours, BLW! xo
Oh Geeze, Kristen… I can’t believe I didn’t get this post back in December… (thought some major “buffering” was going on, as nothing came into my inbox from Motherese). So I’m several weeks late, but wishing you a very Happy Birthday on this random January 7th, when nobody else is probably going to wish you a happy birthday. My mom was born on Christmas Day and this always made me feel a little sorry for Jesus. I guess I didn’t realize that it was only in our house that mom eclipsed Jesus.
Anyway, I hope I can make up in great good wishes what I have inadvertently lacked in punctuality. XO
That’s it! Our friendship is through! ;)
Actually, it is I who owes you an apology. In making the big change to my new site, I neglected to ask my e-mail subscribers to resubscribe here in my new digs. So I thank you not only for your birthday wishes, but also for thinking of me enough to come visit even without the e-mail reminder. (If you’re looking to reup with Motherese, you’ll find a subscription link in the upper right hand corner.)
Well I’m about as late to the party as it is possible to be.
However! You could not be any less welcome to this spinning world. The moon rises and the ocean washes the beaches clean for your footsteps. The trees make oxygen for you to breathe. There was and is a circle of voices familiar and clear singing, “Welcome to the spinning world, Kristen. We are so glad you’ve come.”
Some day, one of my deepest wishes is that I will be with you on a birthday to turn those pages and dab my eyes as I get to say the words in person.
Now that would be a special gift indeed. xo