When I think about courage, I usually think about courageous acts and the notable people who’ve performed them.
Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins hurtling into space tethered to a rocket.
The unnamed man who stood bravely, his only armor his shirtsleeves, before a line of tanks in Tiananmen Square.
Ezell Blair, David Richmond, Joseph McNeil, and Franklin McCain, four college students who dared to sit at a segregated lunch counter at the Greensboro Woolworth’s.
But lately, when I think about courage, I’ve been thinking more about the random acts of courage that happen every day. The really ordinary ones.
More ordinary than the spunky kid with scraped knees who stands up to a playground bully.
More ordinary than the young husband kissing his wife goodbye as she boards a transport plane to Afghanistan.
More ordinary than the coworker who says he won’t tolerate the harassment of a colleague.
I’ve been thinking about the random acts of courage that we all perform every day. The feats of bravery we all must accomplish to make our ways through this wild life. The audacity it takes to walk outside your door, into an entropic world devoid of guarantees and safety nets.
The courage it takes to love despite the knowledge of heartbreak.
The courage it takes to drive a car despite accident rates.
The courage it takes to fly despite a grade school physical science class understanding of gravity.
The courage it takes to raise children despite the fact that your job, if done successfully, will result in their growing up and away from you.
The courage it takes to send them off to school, despite the memories of mean girls, cool kids, and lunch tables.
The courage to write despite the omnipresence of critics.
The courage it takes to say no to the things we don’t want and yes to the things we do.
These random acts of courage aren’t noteworthy. They don’t earn the attention of the press or the textbooks. They won’t change history, but they do inform the everyday. And perhaps they deserve our attention because of that.
In The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox, Maggie O’Farrell writes:
It is always the meaningless tasks that endure: the washing, the cooking, the clearing, the cleaning. Never anything majestic or significant, just the tiny rituals that hold together the seams of human life.
I want to salute the courage of the everyday, to infuse the meaningless with meaning. To recognize the shared beauty that exists in the bravery of humanity.
I want to stop waiting for superheroes and start honoring the courage it takes all of us to live this mortal life.
What random of acts of courage have you performed today?
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Image: Tianasquare via Wikipedia.
{ 80 comments… read them below or add one }
First of all, I am thrilled to be blogging alongside you always and particularly for the next ten days as part of Five for Ten.
I believe that it takes immense and constant courage to, as you say, lead a mortal life. Each day is a hill we must climb with full knowledge of all of the little (and not so little bumps) that might trip us and send us falling. Life is a fragile and fraught thing and just meandering its map takes more than I ever imagined. Maybe this is what adulthood is? Realizing the courage it takes to tackle the ordinary aspects of existence?
What random acts of courage have I performed today? Well, it was not random, but very purposeful. (And, frankly, scary.) Less than an hour ago, I posted a piece on my own blog wherein I talk about something I’ve held very close for many years. Something I have been wanting to talk about, but a bit frightened to. But I think it is important that we show our cards and tell our stories. So I’m doing just that today.
Great post, Kristen.
Great post, Kristen! Random acts of courage – every day courage.
Wonderful post. It is powerful to recognize the big courage and the bigger courage in life.
Welcome to Motherese, Sarah! Thanks for being here.
Oh Kristen! This was such a beautiful take on Courage. You forget how much courage the every day duties require… the learned and routine courage that most definitely deserves praise.
Here here. Like you said, when we stop to think about it, each day is an amazing leap of faith.
I often do not think of any of those things as courage, the mundane stuff; I think of it doing what needs to be done, simple as that. But, I think you make a great point. I think you can take it even further by saying; men have fought and died for our FREEDOM with strength and courage, so because you have that freedom we have the ability to be courageous in our everyday lives. What are we going to do with it? In so many places just walking down the street alone as a woman takes courage. That being said you are on to something.
This morning I woke up at 5 and my friend picked me up and went to workout as we always do. It is the only time I have to do it with all the other Mummy bits in my life. I have never thought of it as courageous but if being proactive in our lives inorder to get done what we have to, then that was my courageous moment as of today.
Thanks for extending this point, Joely. And you’re absolutely right: I know how lucky I am to live a life filled with these random acts of courage thanks to all of the brave men and women who have fought and continue to fight (both literally and metaphorically) for my freedom.
My goodness, it’s true isn’t it? To have it set out so eloquently and so perfectly, it makes perfect sense. I love this, I need this right now, as I am consumed by the every day and it threatens to overtake me. This perspective makes it easier somehow, makes it seem less like I’m not managing, but actually that perhaps I’m managing better than I thought. Thank you!
Nice meditation on courage:) It’s only 5:40am on the west coast, so I haven’t done much of anything courageous yet. But I think participating in Five for Ten takes at least some courage. To share my words.
I absolutely agree that writing for an audience takes courage. This kind and generous community makes it easier, but still…
Absolutely! Some of the simplest acts require infinate amounts of courage – smiling at a stranger, letting our children out of our sight…
I love this perspective.
This is such a beautiful post Kristen. My random act of courage today was to face my financial advisor. I’ll spare you the details.
Thank you for your perspective.
Oh, I love that quote! Great post. The random acts of courage I’ve performed today? Well, it’s only 6:30 am, so the list is brief: I got out of bed. I settled the kids. I started a new post. Not exactly courageous, but definitely enduring.
Hi Amy – If you liked the quote, you’d probably love the book. Intriguing, captivating story and wonderful writing.
What an interesting and thought provoking post.
Very well said. We all shape the world, every day. We just don’t realize it at the time.
Every day tests that courage, doesn’t it? We don’t even realize just how courageous we are.
We do often associate courage with battles and charting new territory, but you’re right – it often takes courage just to face our day. And sometimes what we do matters just as much as what we don’t do for our kids, for us.
This is a great perspective on the topic – thank you for the reminder.
And I salute you, Kristen, for writing every day. That takes courage.
My husband is an excellent example of courage to me. He goes to school every morning and comes home every night. His day is full of unexpected events: Grades, emotions, and other things. This week is especially full of bravery as he awaits his MCAT score. I think I need to bake him a special treat.
Good luck to your husband, Amber! I know this will be a big moment for you and your family.
I’d also add that it takes a fair amount of courage to support a partner when they’re going through such a stressful time professionally, especially with two little ones at home to take care of. So I applaud you for the bravery you show every day in raising your kids and supporting your husband.
I love the sentiment “Random Acts of Courage.” A wonderful opportunity for all of us to pat ourselves on the back.
OH, the daily driving. I do it – with great fear!
For me, on many days, coming to work takes courage, along with faith that it’s the right thing for us, for now. And later in the day, I go home to my mother’s and to our work-in-progress – and that, if I’m being optimistic, takes courage, too. (You know, as opposed to insanity?)
Courage, faith, insanity. How closely they all intermingle! :)
You are so right. So many of the smallest acts are the most courageous ones. Things that I just take for granted… that I just NEED to do and don’t really view them as courageous but I guess they are. As a parent I think MOST of the things we do are courageous because we never know if they are RIGHT or they will really benefit our kids the way we hope they will.
I’m gearing up already for the first day of Kindergarten this fall… a big courageous day for all of us!
Oh, I love this, Kristen. These are right along the lines I’m thinking of for my post. There is “big” courage, and there is “little” courage, and the little stuff is the stuff of every day, it’s the stuff that is sometimes the most exhausting, because it goes unnoticed, unmentioned, and un-celebrated. And yet it is the most important.
This is excellent, Kristen. So beautifully described. I have never looked at the little things in this way, but you’re right… It’s not about being a superhero, but about the courage it takes every day to get ourselves and our children through life. Thanks for making me see just how brave I truly am!
These are all so true. I sometimes think about those who need courage simply to step outside of their homes or to raise their voices in front of others. Little things, and yet without them, what joy would we have?
Courage comes in different colors. We take it for granted, but your post reminds me of why we shouldn’t.
OK. I choked back tears as I read your words,
“The courage it takes to raise children despite the fact that your job, if done successfully, will result in their growing up and away from you.”
First time I have felt brave in a long time. I was feeling just so pathetic. thank you.
You, my friend, are not pathetic. You are a mother of teenagers. That takes about as much courage as I can imagine.
I feel the same way. I think one of the bravest things we do is trusting in ourselves. We’re not perfect, and everyone messes up. But picking up the pieces and going on, learning from mistakes and learning to trust yourself again, that is a brave, brave thing.
We do tend to acknowledge the splashy event, the extraordinary action – and we should. But most mothers live the grinding exhaustion of getting through the day, maintaining some measure of patience, teaching through every action and word, and still seeking to retain a “self.”
I think saluting the everyday courage to get up and go about our business is most fitting.
For me, I need to find strength and calm through a storm, perhaps more than courage. For my child. So his dreams won’t be dashed by forces beyond my control. And more than that, his heart, by someone who is supposed to love him. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know how I do it.
If I cannot, the world won’t end. But something in him will grow smaller, and he’s too young for that to be the case.
These are exactly the acts I’m thinking about: the ones that will usually not change the world, except that of one or a handful of individuals.
The courage of parenting comes in part in knowing that we are fallible, that the world (or its inhabitants) may hurt us and our children, and yet to try time and again to summon that strength and calm. To do everything and anything we can for them. To understand that as our legacy.
Here’s hoping that you and your son can find what it is he needs to make that something grow bigger. And here’s believing that the trying to find it will mean a great deal to him.
I am so glad that there’s someone out there who sees courage in laundry. Thank God. Otherwise, I might well think I was useless.
I agree though, it’s the quiet acts of courage that perhaps mean the most, not the pomp and circumstance surrounding big deeds.
Can’t wait to write along with you in Five for Ten!
So true. Living life is an act of courage on so many levels. How perfectly perfect.
Thanks, Shawna. And thanks for stopping by Motherese!
I’m with you, Kristen. I had a similar take in the third part of my Five for Ten post.
I love these lines: I want to salute the courage of the everyday, to infuse the meaningless with meaning. To recognize the shared beauty that exists in the bravery of humanity. I want to stop waiting for superheroes and start honoring the courage it takes all of us to live this mortal life.
Well said.
BTW, I absolutely love that you used the picture of the famous Tank Man.
It’s funny you mention the photo, one of my all-time favorite shots. At first I thought it didn’t really work with my idea here because Tank Man (despite remaining anonymous) is such a universally recognizable figure of courage. But then it occurred to me that, in stepping in front of those tanks, he really was practicing a random act of courage. As I understand it, he may have been a student sympathetic to the protesters in Tiananmen Square – or he may have just been a person on his way home from work whose sympathies to the cause inspired him in that moment. In his Everyman status, he seems to me to be the perfect embodiment of the courage of the Everyday.
Yes! I’m so glad you wrote about another take on courage, not the usual images and personas we think of. There’s much more to this!
“The courage it takes to say no to the things we don’t want and yes to the things we do.” That’s one I’ve really been working on lately. Don’t do what you “should.” Do what you want to. Live the life you love!
I realize it doesn’t fit as well with your other heartier examples, but the courage to continue potty-training even though my son keeps pooping on the floor.
Believe me, C, that example is extremely resonant in this house right now!
Asking for help. That takes daily courage for me. But it gives me daily sanity. Of course, I didn’t realize that the first million times I need it.
I think without all these small acts of courage, there would be no big acts of anything. The little things that no one sees are sometimes the most important.
“Small” acts of courage often speak the most to me. What a good list you’ve put together here — I’m nodding at that sentence on writing especially!
When I thought about “courage”, like you, I immediately thought of the Tiananmen Square image. But I love your juxtapositions — because for so many of us, those grand acts are almost intangible. The smaller, less “brave” ones, much more tangible. I wrote about parenting and courage in my post — though I really had NOT wanted to — because I suppose that’s what is on my mind the most these days. But maybe through our small acts as parents we can raise the lone Tiananmen square protestor, astronaut, or person who truly stands up for his or her beliefs and for what is right.
“But maybe through our small acts as parents we can raise the lone Tiananmen square protestor, astronaut, or person who truly stands up for his or her beliefs and for what is right.”
That’s exactly what I hope for, too, Kathryn.
These random acts of courage, in parenting, may only affect those that live in our households for a short time. But, if we are very lucky, they will affect our children’s children, and their children, and all those that live, love and work alongside them.
These daily, random acts of courage are really far-fetching, if you really think about it. And you are right, we really don’t know how we did until we do…when they are grown up and away, committing random acts of courage themselves.
Beautiful insight into the extraordinary ordinary, Kristen. There is so much beauty around us, if we only take the time to look. Thanks for the reminder!
Hi Kristen,
It has been a while since I’ve been here, I’m using Five for Ten to rejuvenate my blogging self and am glad I landed here.
Thank you for this post. I’ve been struggling the past few weeks with wanting to be “more” as the unrecognizability of the daily acts of a stay-at-home-parent have gotten the best of me more than once. Your words lifted me. And, I too, found the O’Farrell quote beautiful.
Well, welcome back, Ali! It’s nice to see you again. I’ll look forward to catching up with things over at your place too.
the courage to leave the work piled up on my desk to get home to my kids just a little bit sooner.
i love the quote from O’Farrell. That one will stick with me.
I adore this. And courage. And you.
Can you stand behind me as I stir the macaroni, and tell me how brave I am to go on? Because that’s what I need on most days. Actually, if I weed through some of my initial drafts for the courage post, they mostly go something like this:
Just waking up in the morning is courage. Getting up, doing it all over again, tying a shoelace, changing a diaper, filling a cup with juice.
I know. It’s mundane. But such is life. And that quote you referenced? Beauty through and through.
Scurrying off now, excited for more…
:)
Today, I stopped the procrastinating and met with my advisor so that I can finally finish my master’s degree. I took a leave for work, then for babies, and then for what exactly, I’m not sure. And it’ll take courage to finish when I’m living a completely different life than I was when I started the program (creative writing). I’ll get there though. One day at a time, right?
Wow. That’s definitely courage in my book. Word by word, you’ll get there!
I’m with you, and Sarah and so many of the others who comment here—the courage to live our lives and know that this is enough, and the courage to connect and trust that it will be recieved in the authentic and loving spirit in which we put stuff out there, from dinner to comments.
Namaste
I wrote my second blog post today! For me that’s courage!
I agree – the little things are so important and so underrated.
That’s exciting, Cathy! And I do think it’s courageous to put yourself out there for the world to see. Can’t wait to get over to your place to take a look.
Thanks for stopping by Motherese!
What interesting perspective. That lead photo in Tiananmen Square is pretty damn powerful. And to be honest? I have never felt that courageous in all my life. To stand in the face of death because I believed so strongly in something. But would I? Would I face a line of tanks if it would save my child? I would.
I guess that’s how this post struck me. It made me think of the well of courage that sits deep within my mama soul and I know full well I would use it if I needed too. Becoming a mother brings out all kinds of courage and strength and bravery. And yeah, dishes and cleaning can be considered courageous acts as we face the reality of the every day…..but really? On the spectrum of courage, I see it differently. Is that bad to say? I mean, I love this post and how it has got me thinking but I’m not sure I’m quite there. You know?
But I do believe the tiny rituals hold together the seams of life and they should never be overlooked or under-appreciated.
I hope this comment of slight dissent doesn’t get me kicked out of 5 for 10. It’s my first time.
:-)
Welcome to Motherese, Lee! And please know that words of dissent – big or little – are always welcome here, especially when they’re offered so genuinely and so thoughtfully.
And I agree with you, actually. I would never want us to lose perspective on the power of acts that transcend courage and become heroic (I would put Tank Man at Tiananmen in that category). And perhaps I risk that by suggesting that our day-to-day routines take courage. But it is my sincerest wish that all of the little things we do to get ourselves through the day are sort of like basic training in courage for when we might be called up to active duty.
Does that make sense?
Bravo! Great post!
“The courage it takes to love despite the knowledge of heartbreak.”
…and to teach your child to love, even though you know it will be even more painful to watch them experience heartbreak.
Oh goodness, the very thought of that makes me want to lock my boys in the house and never let them leave!
Great post – Glad to have met you through Momalom!
Courage is guiding your child to stand up to the bullies in his life, when what you want to do is knock them down yourself.
I like that one, Samantha! Thanks for being here. Nice to meet you too!
I needed this one today. I am lonely and a little afraid (which is entirely unlike me!) and it takes some courage to say that. Its nice to find fifteen minutes to look you up, and find kindred spirits out there in the world finding the courage to get through the harder days, just like me. Now, back to work!
I read the quote as “the screams of every day life.”
Changes it just a little, but no less apropos?
PS It is knowing that women like you are out there that keep me going strong. If you can do it, so can I!
Amen to that, Natalie!
You are such a fantastic writer, Kristen. I am so glad I jumped into this Five for Ten. Your post very much resonated with me and it was on my mind as I wrote my own.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Meagan. I’m always glad to see you here and can’t wait to read your Five for Ten post!
Well said. Great post.
Thanks, Maria, and thanks for being here!
Thank you.
Visiting for the first time from Momalog’s Five for Ten.
Your list of everyday courage sparks really spoke to me. Especially the ones about flying and driving — both things I think about nearly daily as both are a somewhat uncomfortable part of life.
Thanks for visiting Motherese, Hyacynth! I love all of these new Five for Ten connections and I can’t wait to check out your place too.
Thanks for the post. My mother just went to live with Jesus after 50 years of marriage to my Dad, 7 children, 26 grandchildren, 4 great grandchildren. She was courageous every day. Her simple life of day to day courage allowed she and my dad to model how to live. Result: 7 great marriages for her seven children, giving all 26 grandchildren the best hope and foundation for significant and secure lives.
The day she died, I said to her, “Mom, you changed the world.” “You think so” she said, “that’s good.” No bravado, just “that’s good.” She was one of the most courageous women I ever met.
I’m sorry to hear the news about your mom. She sounds like an incredible woman. And what a wonderful tribute you gave to her by letting her know how her everyday acts of courage affected you and the world.
Thanks so much for stopping by Motherese and taking the time to leave a comment.
This is so beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks for being here, Mana, and for saying so.
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