We never cursed in my house growing up. Never.
In fact, when I first started hearing curse words in school, I thought these words were new. Recently invented and added to the lexicon. Like “spyware” or “unibrow.” Imagine my surprise when I realized that these words were as old as language itself.
To this day, I don’t curse very often. And never in front of my parents. Husband’s attitude toward curse words is decidedly more libertine.
To wit: about a year ago, Husband took Big Boy to our local superstore to stock up on some critically important items, among them Goldfish crackers and our drink of choice chez Motherese, Coke Zero. When they got home, Husband studied the receipt and noticed that he had been charged for ten giant cartons of Goldfish and one bottle of Coke Zero instead of the one carton and ten bottles he had actually bought.
His response?
“Damn it!”
Big Boy’s response – both immediate and on-and-off from that day to the present whenever something doesn’t go his way?
“Damn it damn it damn it.”
Funny, I suppose, and maybe even a little cute. But now I’ve got a two-and-a-half year old son who occasionally cries, “Damn it!” when he upsets a Lego tower or trips over his shoelace.
Not so funny or so cute for the mom who grew up in a curse-free household.
To make matters worse, Big Boy has recently taken to saying “hate” – another word of which I am not particularly fond, especially when it is applied to such innocuous entities as a carrot or a hungry, hungry hippo.
And I can’t even blame Husband and his loose lips for this latest phenomenon. The suspect this time around? Alexander. Of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day fame. In Judith Viorst’s award-winning children’s book, Alexander hates many things – from lima beans, to kissing, to railroad train pajamas. Big Boy likes Alexander and, apparently, borrows his word of choice when he is having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day himself.
And Big Boy’s new habit got me thinking about my own use of language. Although it doesn’t generally bother me when people curse – and I’m actually a big fan of the comic effects of a well-timed epithet – I don’t default to curse words too often. I do, however, share Big Boy’s – and Alexander’s – overuse of the word “hate” – as in “I hate when I do that!” or “I hate this show!”
Hate? Really?
I throw around the L-word pretty readily too. “I love this song!” or “I love your bag!” or – and this one I roll out daily - “I love this post!”
Love? Really?
So I’m thinking today about words, their meaning and their power. The effect of a toddler’s “Damn it!” or a 30-something mom’s “I hate veggie sausage!” Or even “I love that!” And I’m wondering if words lose their meaning if we use them too often – or not often enough.
I suspect, though, that I might be thinking too much. And that Big Boy will grow out of and into other language phases, some far more problematic.
Because, you know, some kids are like that.
Even in Australia.
Where do you stand on curse words? On precision when it comes to language?
{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }
I think about words a lot. Right now, I am trying to be ‘impeccable with my words’ (one of the ‘The Four Agreements’ by don Miguel Ruiz). Words are symbols and have no meaning beyond that which we ascribe to them, but as symbols they can be powerful and damaging.
That said, I curse. A lot. Curse words don’t mean anything to me and hold no more power than shoot, darn, or fudge. Those are used to replace curse words, which really kinda gives them the same meaning, but different perception (as any euphemism). I am conscious of who hears me curse – like you, I grew up in a curse-free home and I am cognizant that it can offend.
Lately, I have been conscious of limiting my use of ‘hate’ because more often than not, it’s just not true. I don’t actually hate. I never considered throwing ‘love’ around, though… hmm
Hi Sarah – Thank you so much for sharing this idea from Don Miguel Ruiz. Being “impeccable with my words” is something I aspire to, not only as a mother and a woman, but especially as a writer.
I also really appreciate what you have to say about words as symbols. And you’re right, of course: We could all decide tomorrow that “darn” was the most offensive word out there and then it would assume the same status as some of the other locae non gratae (can you tell I never studied Latin?). So I suppose it’s a matter of personal comfort – and, I guess, the edge where that comfort meets the comfort of others.
I’ve always believed that the English language is so vast that there are far better words than curse words to express oneself. The rule in our house is the same as when I grew up… If you hear it in our house, then you can repeat it. So far it’s worked. I have two teenagers who hear the f-bomb at school all day and I have never once heard it come out of either of their mouths.
I also believe that words are very powerful. Words like “hate” or “stupid” aren’t even allowed in our house because they are so hurtful. My ex-husband threw those words around and I saw the pain they inflicted when directed towards a person. That’s enough motivation to pause a moment and carefully think about your emotions before verbally expressing them. Which kind of ties back into Christine Carter’s theory on emotions.
Maybe I’m getting too deep into the subject also.
Have a lovely weekend and happy Mother’s Day!
Thanks, Erica, for tying this subject back into Christine’s ideas about emotions. You’ve really given me something to think about: when I curse, am I expressing emotion or am I obscuring it?
When I was growing up, my house was rich and colorful with profanity. My mom’s cursing was less liberal and creative than my father’s, which ranges from fitting to funny to kind of vile. They ran a tight enough ship (my mother disapproved of “shut up” and my father insisted on “shut up Please” that none of us dared to curse in front of them – at least not until late teendom, and even then only in a heated argument.
Today, I curse with control (except in the car. I am almost without boundaries in the car.) Last weekend on our short road trip, I used letters for parenting’s sake, but I’m not sure that a two-year-old can get by anything that starts with “What the…” without raising eyebrows. So from here on out I’m going with self-censorship.
P.S. re: precision – I’m a little scared of “hate” but am liberal with “love” because sometimes I want to gush. I think it’s good for everybody! But in general, as a former and sometimes journalist, I value precision as one of the Higher Authorities of language. I love using the right word; when you have it, conciseness is also a given. And I LOVE that. :)
“The Ways in Which I am Possessed by Demons while Driving” – absolutely the topic for another post!
And I hear you about being liberal with love – both emotionally and linguistically. I am far less worried about overdoing it with love than with hate. And I suppose the people I love can appreciate the difference between my “I love you!” to them and my “I love that!” to a cute top.
Thanks, Leslie!
Damn it! That *is* pretty funny, Kristen – although I’m sure it gives you ulcers.
My mom, like yours Leslie, did not allow the use of “Shut up.” There’s something pretty harsh about those two words. Neither of my parents cursed very much, with the exception of a few colorful expletives from my dad when things weren’t going right on the farm (machinery was breaking down, cows were not cooperating, etc.) I never heard the F word at home… but then in college I learned to love using it. I’m pretty sure I over-used it for awhile.
My dad also tried to discourage use of informal or incorrect words. He did not like “yeah” in place of “yes.” He didn’t like ain’t or like or yep. But these are all phases kids – and teens – go through.
The difficult thing is, no matter how diligent parents are, kids will be exposed to all manner of words pretty quickly in the world. At school, on the playground, on TV – and even from reputable sources like Arthur! I suppose your job is to teach them what is acceptable and what crosses the line.
Thanks, Eva. Your comment makes me think of a metaphor a colleague and friend of mine once used to describe our jobs as teachers of the high school U.S. History survey course: “Walk them down the corridor and help them open all the doors. When they have time later, they can walk through whichever ones they want.”
I suppose parenting is a similar journey: in this case, walk them down the path, showing them that there are many options. You’re right that most kids will probably curse their hearts out at some point (college and the years right after was probably that time for me too), but I hope that mine will at least know that there are lots of ways of expressing themselves.
I swear quite a bit. My kids refer to it as “mummy words”. But this is what I tell them. Mummy swears, but I never swear AT someone. Sometimes it is the saying of the expletive that releases the perfect amount of frustration. No other word will do. Like when you lock the keys in your car or stub your toe in the middle of the night on the corner of the bed, the F word works like a charm.
I also tell them that mummy spent many years in college, and is well educated enough to use words for their shock value. And that they may use the same words once they have proven themselves to be intelligent enough to discern the difference between being vulgar and using the word to express frustration.
Nice post.
Hi Joely – I know exactly what you mean about the well-timed curse word being the perfect vent for frustration. I absolutely do the same. Your comment also reminded me of a high school English teacher who would always remind us that we couldn’t break the rules of grammar and style until we had proven that we’d mastered them. Sounds like it’s similar to the “rules” for using curse words in your house.
Cursing is second nature to us, part of our daily lexicon like flour to a pantry. I wrote a post about it awhile back, hoping it would help me to be more mindful with the words I use around my toddler.
So far, it has only made me more aware of how much I cannot change that part of me, and it’s a little disconcerting. My mom never cussed; my dad made up for the both of them in both frequency and creativity. Even then I knew not to use inappropriate language while growing up so maybe there is hope yet for my daughter.
We are really not against curse words, but I rather imagine our toddler will have a rough childhood if other kids are kept away from her because of her illustrious language. For that reason alone, I would like to be a little more careful. I’m just grateful her first word is not a forbidden word. Phew – dodged that bullet!
Tiny Baby’s favorite syllable to babble is “Dadadadada” and there have been a few occasions when it’s sounded quite a bit like he’s saying “Damndamndamndamndamn.” So I’m still kind of worried – given Husband and Big Boy’s tendency to use that word – that I might not have dodged that bullet. ;)
Once as a difficult teen, and in a fit of pique, my mom called me a “son of a bitch,” and I simply had to agree with her.
While I’m certainly a libertine about cursing (although I did not grow up in a house with cursing) and find that certain words come loaded with collective energy, I’m probably more a fan of widening vocabulary in general so that curse words are not just default expressions.
As a shrink I just wanted to toss in an idea on love and hate: idealization always masks devaluation and vice versa; that which we passionately hate we love or admire or wish for at some unconscious level; and the shadow of aggression lurks within our over-idealizations.
Our task as parents is to learn to love and hate, or at least contain them at the same time, which serves a containing function for young kids who split because of the developmental level of their consciousness.
As the daughter of an ER nurse, I grew up with a colorful vocabulary. Years in the ER myself didn’t help.
Mykidsgrew up with it. But their most colorful words come not from me,but from the playground.
Basically?
I give up.
Princess Potty Mouth! That’s me! But you knew that. :)
I trytrytry not to curse around the kids, and I do a pretty good job, but I sometimes catch myself whispering “Dammit” sotto vocce…usually while cleaning up some kind of bodily fluid or other vile substance. And I’ll pause for a second, filled with dread, waiting to hear the word chimed back at me.
Shockingly, neither of the girls has ever cursed. This is a bloody miracle.
But I know it won’t last. And hate? I *hate* that word, too.
This is a decidedly controversial topic, and responsible for sneaky little tributaries flowing into value systems that run deeper than the words we use.
My ex and I had very different views on this. He believed in a zero-curse-word household, and expected the same of me, yet was capable of very questionable tactics when it came to achieving his ends. In other words – no curse words, but all bets were off when it came to any actions to achieve his personal or professional goals. Um – inconsistency?
We did agree that little kids were linguistic sponges, so I axed most of my liberal language usage from little-ear-hearing distance for many years.
On the other hand, I felt words like “hate” shouldn’t be thrown around (still do).
As for all the expletives deleted until about age 10? They found their way back – kids hear them in school, and I used them at home (once a solo parent household) – more frequently in French. My kids used them too – and I simply insisted they understand NOT to do so outside our home, but inside our home – frankly – if I used them, they could, too. Fair was fair.
Unconventional? Perhaps. But I think ethical behavior (which they have) is far more important than certain words. And my kids know enough – as do I – as to where to use what language, and where not to. (In multiple tongues.)
I love what you shared here. And agree.
What you’ve shared here about your experience of those “sneaky little tributaries flowing into value systems that run deeper than the words we use” is, to me, a resonant and eloquent application of that old adage: “Actions speak louder than words.” And I agree wholeheartedly. Words without the ethics to back them up – the talk without the walk – are meaningless.
I will admit I don’t have the cleanest mouth, and I’ve had to really work on it now that my kids will repeat it all!
As a writer and lover of language, I don’t like banning words, but I also don’t approve of using them too casually (like with ‘hate’ and ‘love’). We call those words (and some curse words) ‘power’ words, and basically, I won’t censor you, but you’d better have a good reason to use them in our house. (And when ‘power words’ are used inappropriately, soap has been known to enter mouths.) It’s about not only language, but the impression you want to make on people, etc.
Mmm, “power words.” I like that, Amy. I think I might just have to borrow that and use it in my house.
I value precision. I value it so much that I can’t use idioms! (Silly, really, but there you have it.) This is why swearing doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the words “always” and “never.” These words carry deep meaning and I use them with great care. The same as “love” and “hate.” I try to avoid using “hate” because it doesn’t accurately describe my feelings yet I never really thought of the use of “love” this way before. I think that since we have a language that carries so much potential we should use words with care. This is what I am going to try and do from now on.
Great thoughts, Kristen!
Another word that falls into that category for me is “literally,” as in “This bag literally weighs ten tons.” I do it myself, of course, but I realize that the way that we’ve come to sprinkle that word around has made it lose its meaning.
Concur with Sarah and reference to Ruiz. Language is a singularly powerful communication tool and careless use of language can lead to problems of misunderstanding.
But really, aren’t there degrees of precision that need to apply here? For example, when having an important business meeting, it may be crucially important that you convey your message appropriately through language, charts and examples. But when sharing lunch with a friend, is it really that crucial that you decribe with precision just how much you like the entree? Seriously, how important is that?
I guess that’s why we default to love. I LOVE the shoes that I’m wearing today. I do. But I wouldn’t risk my life running into a burning house to save them from a fire, the way that I would to save a person or beloved pet.
I think, the rules of context in our current vernacular help to shade the words we choose with another layer of meaning.
Very thoughtful essay today! Thanks.
Wishing you a happy mother’s day.
Thanks, Diane, for this very important and thoughtful point about the interplay between precision and context. Thanks, too, for your Mother’s Day wishes!
Both of my parents cursed. alot! But as children we were never even allowed to say darn or stupid, and if we called someone a liar, we’d get it right then and there. I have never liked cursing, and have never used it much in my house, however, I have been known to belt the words out under my breath…crazy I know, but it release the stress, and I haven’t actually said them to anyone…Dang, I am really in needof some therapy! Seriously though, some words are extremely powerful and once used, it’s almost impossible to undue the emotional damged the recipient has received. Provacative post.
“Bad words” are certainly not welcome in our home. I grew up the same as you, they were completely foreign to me. To this day I’ve only heard my father curse a handful of times and it always catches me off guard. My husband on the other hand grew up in a household where highly inappropriate words, such as those that begin with F, were used regularly. He shares my sentiment about not using them in our home, but his parents do not and I get tremendously upset when we visit them and they expose my children to these words.
We’re also struggling with other words in our home. My oldest who will soon be four has started to enjoy superheroes. He doesn’t get to watch this stuff at home, but he has an older friend at daycare who talks about them frequently. So we’ve started to hear words like “kill” at home, and I’m not happy about it. For the time being we’ve curtailed it by insisting that he use “drained his batteries” in place of this startling, hard word. Sigh…I’m not under any illusions, our battles on this front have just begun.
Yup – “kill” and “die” have just started to surface with Big Boy as well. Double sigh of commiseration!
I mainly curse (like a sailor) while driving…so my policy is these words are OK as long as you’re old enough to drive (actually, I say they’re only for grownups, like coffee and wine). I did wash out one of my sons’ mouth with soap because he repeatedly called me stupid (rather than doing what I should have done, which was get him ready for bed since he was clearly tired and DONE with the day…but my husband was out of town, I had one sick kid and one kid with an avalanche project due at school and I was DONE too). What I really hate (really I do hate it) is when my eldest uses the word “ain’t” or improper grammar like “he don’t got that” which is a recent (at nearly nine) development. Charming.
We’re dealing with both the curse words and “I hate this” right now. Despite valiant efforts to clean up our language, both my husband and I let a curse word slip every now and then, and our son seems to have radar when it comes to absorbing the words we don’t want him to repeat. We’ve gotten even more vigilant about watching our language, and now the policy is whoever says a bad word goes to time out – adults included.
“I hate this!” is proving harder, though. I agree that it’s used so often, and so freely, that it essentially has no meaning, just like “I love this!”. We’re trying to encourage our son to talk about WHY he doesn’t like whatever he’s claiming to hate – is it making him frustrated, sad, disappointed, etc, and what about it is making him feel that way.
I can only assume these issues will get more complicated as he grows, since once he goes to school he and his friends will pool their resources when it comes to bad words…
Precision of language! I came across that exact phrase for the very first time when I read The Giver in middle school. And even though the dystopia within which this value is upheld was — well, a dystopia, I adored the idea. That each word had intricate nooks and crannies that held specific kinds of meaning, that they had special ways of fitting together to produce larger meaning.
I imagine this is why imprecise language, particularly when my husband uses it, bothers me. I literally cannot understand what he means sometimes because there are too many possibilities in the combinations of words he chooses. So I have to ask him to clarify …
On the other hand, cursing — guilty, guilty, guilty over here. That’s a product of teenage rebellion. Since I couldn’t really rebel with actions (a long story worth, say, a thesis), I developed quite the mouth to use on my parents.
Shit Kristen I don’t know where I stand on curse words.
Really. I think words like hate or shut-up are much more powerful than the occasional shit or F%^&. It’s funny but I think damn is fine but once you but the God if front of it–not OK. Not God’s fault.
Growing up in movie and tv land everybody would swear. I mean all day long. Every sentence would have multiple descriptors. I lost any sense of astonishment and also quickly included some of these word into my vocabulary.
My wonderful husband always tells the boys that swearing just shows ignorance because you can’t find a better word to express yourself.
I say, bullshit.
Ha! Love this, Terry – sounds like you’re my kind of woman.
Thankfully my son hasn’t cursed yet. Although one day I was convinced that someone had taught him a$$. Turns out he was just saying ants.
I don’t curse often. Usually it’s at the dogs when they bark while my son is napping. But they totally deserve it. :-)
Thanks for stopping by my blog today!
I swear. A lot. My husband and I both do. I don’t like to curse in front of my kids but I do it much more than I like to admit. It just comes too naturally. My children don’t swear (not in front of me anyway). It is like one of the other commenters said, they’re not allowed until they are adults – like driving or drinking (not together!). Worst part is… I judge other moms when I hear them swear in front of their kids! Hypocrite or what!?
As a pre-teen and teen I developed multiple personalities to deal with this problem. My parents would not tolerate any cursing, and it wasn’t even a rule. It was just known. But I was wild and began running with wild kids before leaving elementary school. I wanted to be a rock musician and I developed a mouth to prove it. From smoking to cursing, I had it covered.
And I never, but never, slipped in front of my parents. They knew me not at all. Lately I have such lovely adult relationships with them I let it slip now and then. My mom is always shocked and my Dad, never. He seems to respect where the cursing comes from at this point. Single Mom, frakking bad economy, still recovering from George Bush’s reign….he admires cussing when its done properly. In fact he even instituted a cussing school for my high school friends who were more free with their language. He would invite them to learn how to use these old words wisely by screaming them at him across a mountain meadow.
This coming from a WWII 6 month prisoner of war, a roping cowboy, hunting and fishing adventurer, who was a doctor at the time when women didn’t know or understand what a Pap Smear was and he had to try to explain it to them and convince them it was a good idea. Run on sentence? Well, he’s a run on guy.
So, now I curse as needed. And I am careful around the kids. And they don’t curse. But they say ‘Oh My God’ sometimes which I think is inappropriate and which they did not get from me. And I don’t even believe in God but let’s have some respect Damnit!
Camille, I love this story about your dad. Perhaps the raw material for your next original song? :)
Yes! One day for sure!
I have always loved to curse or did I mean that most of the time I hate to curse. Damn, who can remember.
I really do love words and am a proponent of using colorful language. I can teach a sailor how to swear.
In general I am cautious with their use around the house because I appreciate their utility. When my children hear me swear they know that it is time to listen.
Same thing goes with yelling. I have a deep voice that carries well so I rarely raise it. But when I do it has an immediate effect upon them.
I love words, how they sound, how I feel as I read them or hear them. There’s nothing like a beautiful piece of writing.
I do swear now and then, and how other’s speak is up to them, but generally, vulgarity makes me wince.
Or when my three year old comes in singing, “stupid, stupid, stupid”.
I think you make an important distinction, Heidi, when you mention “vulgarity” and it occurs to me that that’s where I draw my line too.
Ah, curse words. I am so guilty of using curse words. Maybe because they make me feel better, for whatever reason. The water heater broke in our newly finished basement? Damn it! Son of a beeyotch! See, I feel better. I also think that my parents were so strict when I was a kid (Catholic school and all), that curse words are sort of my way of rebelling. And yes, I now curse in front of my parents. And I love it. Sophomoric, I know. But still, these words make me feel good. Do I want my girls to use these words? Absolutely not.
But though I would be upset if they did curse, I would be more upset if they used other words that are banned in our house, such as hate, fat, and shut up. For some reason, to me these words are much more powerful and hurtful than many others. Also, name calling, which my girls are starting to get into. I cannot stand them calling each other names…after all, they only have one sister, and that sister deserves to be treated with respect.
(I hope you will still like me after I’ve told you I curse, LOL!)
These comments have me thinking about the phrase “shut up.” We don’t use it in our house and it occurs to me that I don’t really ever use it. But I think you’re right, Gibby, that it deserves a place in the pantheon of bad words right alongside “hate.”
And, yes, of course I still like you! (I’m not exactly a saint myself, even though I share your Catholic school background!) :)
I’m not big on swearing but I do throw a few of them around for “effect” in the right company. The one thing I do tend to say more than I should is, “Jesus!” (interesting coming from a Jewish girl, no?). Hannah immediately started repeating it and so I had to tell her to instead say, Jeez because it’s nicer. A few days later she asked if Jeez is Jesus’s nickname.
I also edited Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible… book as I read it to Hannah in her younger years to say, “I don’t like lima beans” instead of hate. It was a word I was uncomfortable teaching at such a young age. I still try very hard not to use the word hate and have told Hannah that it’s NEVER an appropriate word, because NOTHING is THAT bad.
As for love. I definitely think I it’s a word that becomes less special the more it’s used. I remember my mom actually telling me that it’s a word that should be reserved for those that are most important and shouldn’t be thrown out to just anyone. She never even signs cards Love, ___ unless it’s someone she truly loves. And this belief has stuck with me so I also hold back from saying I love you and writing Love unless I really mean it.
Wonderful, thought provoking post as usual Kristen! Have a “Love”ly weekend. :)
Ummm, BloginSong, my lovey sweet old friend…
I distinctly remember, junior year in high school, having dinner at your house and saying a half-hearted “shit” and your father looked me straight in the eye and admonished, “if you’re going to curse, curse with vigor and feeling, girl! Nothing worse than a half-baked (or was it assed?) curse! Say it like you mean it!”
That’s always stuck with me. Your dad, taking me down for cussing like a wimp. I’d always been a little afraid of Stu, but after that day? True love.
:)
Yeah, he grows on you. Also he got less and less mean as he grew older. And he ADORES you!
We just turned my 2 year old forward facing in her car seat, so now she has a much better ability to hear what we are saying. So when I said “shit” when I missed my exit, she repeated it all the way home (which was considerably longer than it would have been!). I finally convinced her that she really meant “sit” and she has not repeated it since, but I’m pretty sure she knew what she was doing. She had that devilish edge to her voice.
I agree with Kitch. If you must (which I do), do it with vigor. Those words haven’t stuck around for so long for no good reason.
However, I try REALLY hard not to use them in front of my children. But, have you ever tried driving in rush hour traffic in South Florida?
Unfortunately, my oldest son used an extremely inappropriate word on the preschool tricycle path. He applied the word correctly, EXACTLY like his colorfully mouthed Mama would have in the same situation…I have never been so embarrassed…
Funny that you use Alexander as an example because that’s one of the books I edit while I read. I love that book, I’ve always loved that book, and I never gave any thought to the presence of the word “hate” in it until I started reading it to my girls. “Stupid” and “weird” are also words I edit out when reading. Those are things they’ll deal with soon enough, but in my opinion, there’s no need to start now.
My mother curses a lot. My dad’s worst? Crud. The fact that they view the “issue” so differently, somehow, makes me smile every time.
Ironically, I began cursing more and more after my daughter was born. I think I needed to feel in control of something and my language was all I had. I’ve really had to cool it since she entered the “sponge” stage.
And, we, too, keep encountering words I don’t like in their bedtime stories. There’s Alexander, of course. But “hate” just popped up in a new favorite, Lovable Lyle (the Crocodile). And then there’s “kill” in The Cat and the Hat Comes Back. I amend the language. Daddy “reads it like it is.” My daughter always corrects me, even though I know she doesn’t really understand the distinction. And I really don’t want her to. Not yet.
The only words I have a real problem with are words like “fatass” and “retarded” – but I cut down on my cursing after an incident where I was removing toddler daredevil from the grocery store for a tantrum and he began to shriek, “I don’t WANT my ass beat! I don’t WANT my ass beat!”
Please note, I had to that point never once spanked him or his sister!
My parents didn’t curse probably because they didn’t know English well enough to know swear words in it. My father may very well have been swearing in Yiddish or Polish for all I knew!
I definitely swear around adults but I’m the all-time super-geek when it comes to proper language. I do believe that language is destiny. I believe that language can change your life, refine your thoughts, that, conversely, language ticks like “this sucks,” or “f*** this” end up being self-fulfilling prophesies.
So my kids know that swearing is for adults. I get that my son needs to use some now as a teen with his friends, but otherwise they have to try harder to express themselves. What can I say? English geek.
“Language is destiny.” Thanks for this food for thought today, my fellow English geek!
I don’t swear. I don’t allow “stupid” or “shut up”.
But when I was canoeing once and I was in the stern the wind was whipping us everywhere. I simply could NOT get to shore. We tried once and failed. It was terrifying. To be stuck in the middle of a lake is not a pretty picture.
So we made another attempt and I let out a string of expletives as I paddled my heart out. We made it to shore. My father, who was in the middle and my son who was in the bow, turned to me, “What was that?” Well, this is the result of the fuel language can become when used at the precise moment needed.
Particular words saved the day even though they weren’t pretty.
I really appreciate your idea of language as “fuel” and am glad that certain words were able to give you the fuel you needed to get to safety!
We weren’t supposed to cuss at kids, but it happened. My older sister called my father a “m0****-fu****” at age 2 and then yelled out “I mean Mother Ducker, Mother Ducker!” Mother Ducker is still our favorite cuss word. Once, when I was 11 or 12, my mom let us have a “damn night” to get it out of our systems. I think I said that word 800 times in 4 hours.
With my kids, I only forbid shut up, stupid, and hate. The kids know not to say them. They have tried out cuss words, but we make sure to never react, so those words fade out. I know it won’t always be easy, but we hope to just downplay the “importance” and let that be enough.
“Mother Ducker” makes me think of “Mother Goose,” but I suspect the meaning is different. :)
My 12 year-old is getting into that territory: let me see what I can repeat at home what I have heard at school without getting into trouble. He’s learned to use What the BEEP! as a substitute and I put a stop to it last night. My rule? “If you don’t think you can say it in front of grandma, don’t say it.”
I can write a post about how popular “WHAT THE…?!” is nowadays. It bothers me for some reason that kids as young as kindergarteners say this too.
Something intrigues me ever since I came here: I can swear like a sailor in English, however, I have never ever swore in Chinese. Simply cannot bring myself to do it.
I find that fascinating. Do you think there’s more of a cultural stigma attached to swearing in Taiwan than there is in the States? Or is it a more personal thing?